Violet Evergarden - Chapter 20 Violet Evergarden Ever After
Translator – Dennou Translations
Should you feel even just slightly lonely after this story is over, by all means, go see the anime’s Violet. Even if the storyline is different, your Auto-Memories Doll will be there. —Akatsuki Kana
Tears spilled down the eyes of a beast. Shedding large teardrops, it wept.
Why was he saying such things now, at this moment? The beast was incapable of understanding. It could not fathom the meaning of those words or his reasons to be uttering them.
A slow-acting poison. The beast had been given it little by little every day, and the effects of said poison circulating its whole body were currently showing. The beast’s crying was proof of that. Never had it known such painful tears.
He whispered repeatedly. It was an attempt to tell the beast words that it had not heard before. This conveyed that they were extremely important, but the beast could not accept them. It did not want to comprehend them now. They were most certainly against the very meaning of the beast’s existence. Should it accept them, the beast would no longer exist for the sake of emerald eyes.
——I hate not being able to protect you. My only wish is to keep you safe. It’s all I can reciprocate. Don’t be saying these things now; I want you to give me orders.
And so, the beast howled while wailing. It howled at its one and only Lord. The most hardly replaceable thing in the world for the beast.
Roses and the Auto-Memories Doll: Prologue
Blue eyes opened.
The beautiful, golden-manned beast had just awoken. Showered in morning light, it sat up without hesitation. Moving its small body, it smoothly came down from the top of a tree and set its legs on the ground. Swallowing the morning dew that had accumulated on its teeth, it picked fruits from the tree to eat. It ate one and, after staring fixatedly at the other for a second, the beast held onto it and started walking.
It was morning. A comfortable morning.
In the environment where the beast lived, there was neither right nor wrong. It might eventually die if it stayed there. It might live on forever as long as it was there.
The beast, which could easily sense and deal with invaders, felt neither desperation at the fact that morning had come to it, nor hope toward the day called today. It did not know such things. As it had never been taught about them, it was not capable of embracing them.
In certain aspects, the beast was overly superior, and in others, it fell so far behind that it was unbearable to look at. It had tremendously menacing fangs and was beautiful to an uncanny extent. It was that kind of beast. It was still that kind of beast.
Silence.
The beast strained its ears. It could hear the sounds of ocean waves from the coast. And also the voice of a man who appeared to be cursing. It then headed toward the sea.
The sky still bore colors that were a mixture of daybreak and nightly shades. The temperatures were warm and perfectly suitable for putting oneself in motion. Spotting the back of the man, who was sitting on the beach, the beast approached him slow and quietly.
Had he been trying to catch fish? Victim to his irritation, a broken, long tree branch was being flung away. A single small fish lay on a leaf as proof of his efforts.
Something heartbreaking must have happened for the man to be in such a situation. He did not seem to have the strength for cooking or eating the fish. With the man in front of it, the beast offered him the fruit.
He was the man who the beast had cognized as its “master” the other day.
Adults were necessary for the beast. Adults who could designate it instructions of some sort. The beast was able to live on its own, yet it needed adults to give it directions. It would be a problem if he died.
After leaving the fruit there, the beast distanced itself a little and sat on the sand. It was waiting for orders. While it did so, something hit its head.
“You monster.”
It was a fruit. He had apparently thrown away the fruit that the beast had gone through the trouble of giving to him. Even though he was hungry.
The man glanced its way. His green irises and raven hair glistened amidst the break of dawn. He was a beautiful man.
“I want to kill you,” the man whispered with a tone that would make one think this was his true intention.
It was a cruel statement, but the beast displayed no reaction. The white noise of the ocean waves drifted between the two of them. As the beast could not talk, the place was quiet when the man did not speak.
An island of one man and one beast. There used to be a mountain of corpses as well, but they had long been buried.
“But if I were asked whether you’re wrong or not, I don’t know,” the man, who would later be identified as Dietfried Bougainvillea, simply talked to it with an exhausted face. “If I were in your shoes and felt danger from those men… from that man who came towards you all of a sudden, then I would’ve probably done that.”
The beast merely turned its ears to the voice of the man. Not that it could understand anything. It was a wild beast and the man was a person. They were unable to establish communication. However, whenever it was spoken to by the person, the beast would look back at him with its unclouded eyes.
“That and whether or not I can forgive you are two different things. I can’t. In the end, I do want to kill you.”
Having met in the worst possible way, they had not initiated anything yet, but an encounter was a beginning in itself.
“Still, I have some room for pity too… Just what are you? Were you abandoned? Why’re you by yourself in a place like this…?”
As an announcement for a chemical reaction of sorts that was about to occur.
“No, you killed my men. I actually don’t have room for pity… Anyway, just stay quiet and listen.”
This was the start of a grandiose fate.
“I’m thinking with myself about what to do with you. I can’t stand you. I despise you.”
That meeting had served as its cornerstone.
“For now, I need you so that I can survive. You know this territory and can ensure food supplies as my tool to prepare for an escape… to go from this remote island back to Leidenschaftlich. And I really do feel a burning anger for what happened before, so want to punish you. But I have a strong sense of duty, so if we manage to leave this place without problems and if I get a chance to see my little brother’s face at least one more time, he might take interest in you if you do something. I won’t. I myself won’t. I’m complicated. A complicated man. You can’t handle me and I can’t handle you either. If I continue using you, I’ll get fed-up for sure and would indeed feel like killing you, but actually doing that would probably be impossible. You’re tough. I’d lose. No matter how I look at it, I can’t kill you. I don’t know why, but you need me, right? You’re trying to keep me alive and you kill things for my sake. Seems like you can be useful. After all, we’re in the middle of a war. It’d be fitting of someone like you to be used, used, used, used, used, used and used down to every last bit, till you become a worn-out mop cloth. That’s right, it definitely fits you…”
The man continuously spit out outrageous statements for a long while. The beast picked up the fruit that had been thrown away again and left it in front of him.
“Try to save me, monster.” The man bit the fruit, and with an annoyed face, he threw it at the beast.
This time, the beast dodged it. The fruit formed an arched trajectory line, overlapping with the sunrise lights. It was radiant enough for the beast to feel like its retinas would char, and so it closed its eyes as if bringing down a curtain.
Blue eyes opened.
The beast was inside a large sack. It did not know for how much time it had been there. Long had passed since the last time it had been taken to the toilet and told to finish its business. Its throat was dry and it was tired from recurrent battles. While in the bag, it had repeatedly closed and opened its eyelids, falling into a doze, and now it had opened them again.
It could discern the voice of its master. As well as the stench of some burned food that he and the people who followed him were daring to put into their mouths. The beast did not like the odor. It dulled its sense of smell.
When would the master use it? There was no meaning to the beast aside from being put to use. The beast wanted to be used. It had no other way to prove itself.
There were surely people who found it strange. Why was this doll-like beast, who did not show any emotion, so keenly obsessed with being a tool? That was very simple. So simple it was ridiculous, so commendable it was ludicrous.
The beast wanted to be with humans.
It could live by itself. The beast had enough strength for that. It was fine even without anyone around. Yet, it wanted to be with people. It hated being on its own. That much was obvious. Nobody wanted to be in solitude. In true, complete loneliness. That was the desire of people whose mental state had grown tired of interacting with people, but no one who was actually alone wished for it. The beast wanted to be with someone, but could think of a means to do so other than offering itself for use. Which was why the beast was doing so.
It had lost the memory of its parents’ faces, its recollections from before a certain time, everything – yet it knew all but the surge born from servitude and violence. This was the only thing engraved into the modus operandi of the beast’s short life history. It could also be said that it “wound up” being engraved there. If it had been taught any other method, it would likely not have turned out the way it was.
The beast did not yet know what it was about to meet.
“I haven’t named it. We’d been calling it ‘you’.”
As the sack was opened, the outside lights, which were coming in contact with the beast for the first time in a while, shone on its eyes. The beast closed its eyelids once.
And then, it wished to be given an order.
Blue eyes opened.
It was completely dark. Their field of vision was pitch-black, the air cold. However, the body of the beast was swelteringly hot. A slushy heat enclosed its whole body, giving it the sensation of turning into a huge lump of lead.
“Violet.”
Suddenly, light shone amidst the darkness.
That was because the person who had spoken to it had lit a lamp, but also because said person seemed to be shining, as he was the beast’s one and only light. His large hand touched the beast’s forehead, and then caressed it as if to unknot its sweat-drenched hair. A sizzling sound could be heard oozing from the beast’s chest.
“Major…”
The beast had been granted a name, known protection and learned how to speak.
“The fever… hasn’t gone down, huh. Can you drink water?”
Which gave rise to an attachment.
“My apologies.”
The beast had absorbed many new things from its new lord, and they built the beast’s values.
“There’s nothing to apologize for. You gave too much in the last battle… It was my mistake.”
Without its lord, even breathing would be difficult for the beast now.
“I am a tool, after all.”
It wanted to live for him.
“I believe you should use, use, use and use every last bit of me, until I break.”
And to die for him.
“Therefore, repairing me is unnecessary.”
Such tempestuous dependence was gnawing at its body.
“You’re human. We need rest if we’re down with a fever, and some also need to be nursed. That’s always been the way I’ve supervised you, ever since we’ve met. So of course I have to look after you.”
Everything was the lord’s fault. He had recognized this golden-manned, blue-eyed beast as a “girl” first of all.
“Do you not have any requests? Something I can do in this state.”
The object of his safeguarding, the wild beast he had to oversee, his weapon. While keeping these categories separated, the lord made use of the beast.
“For you to get well, Violet.”
And out of all things, he grew to love it.
Blue eyes opened.
Tears overflowed from the eyes of the beast. Its visibility was distorted. It closed and opened its eyelids, attempting to expel the salty sea that it was birthing, to no avail.
“Violet, stop.”
The beast wept. Shedding large teardrops, it wailed. Even though it had never cried before, it was doing so.
“…e you.”
Its lord had been severely injured. It had failed to protect him. It had executed its orders, but because of that, it had been unable to protect him.
For the beast, the lord was more important than this mission.
“…ove you.”
As it cherished its lord, it had wanted to succeed in the mission. Since its life belonged to its lord, it had made the mission into a priority. But this rendered it meaningless.
“I love you! I don’t want to let you die! Violet! Please live!!”
There was no meaning in it. No meaning at all. There was no significance in the beast’s life either.
“I love you.”
Besides, why? Why was he saying that? Why was he saying such a thing, now, at this moment?
“I love you, Violet.”
The beast attempted to digest the words its lord had just whispered. It did not comprehend them.
“Violet…”
The beast did not understand. It could not fathom the meaning of those words or his reasons to be uttering them.
“Are you listening, Violet?”
——Are they not, most likely, something special? Those are most likely not words that I should be told. They are most likely not something that you should say to me. If you must say them, then why?
“I like you.”
——Why did you use me? Why won’t you let me save you?
“I love you.”
——Why, why, why, why, why, why, why?
“I love you, Violet.”
It did not understand. It did not understand anything. Not its lord, this world or the words confessed to it.
And so, the beast howled while wailing. It howled at its one and only Lord. The most hardly replaceable thing in the world for the beast.
“What is ‘love’?”
Ironically enough, it was then that the beast accepted love for the first time and became a person.