Violet Evergarden - Chapter 15

Translator – Dennou Translations
The girl stared up at a red brick building that had a weathercock on its top.

While the girl stood by the roadside, people incessantly entered and exited that postal company of slightly old-fashioned exterior. A young man carrying a package. A young woman holding a letter to a beloved someone under her arm.

The windows seemed already open.

Within the site, a postman mounted his motorcycle while yawning. A bewitchingly beautiful woman came after him in trots. Clicking his tongue at her as she forcefully took over the passenger seat, the youth made a face that did not seem at all dissatisfied from an angle she could not see.

Lively laughter could be heard from the balcony of the third floor. So could the voice of a young woman that was angry for whatever reason. Eventually, a man made his way to the balcony with a teacup in hand. He spotted the girl, who was nothing but a part of the cityscape, and candidly wave at her despite it being their first meeting.

After that, a young woman of lustrous blond hair revealed herself.

It was a place noisier and more valuable than what she had imagined. For the girl, that place was a dreamy one.

Firmly grasping the white dress she was clad in, she stepped forward. And, at the same time, she recited a magic spell.

 

 

As I woke up, the first thing that entered my vision were slowly descending golden curtains.

“It is morning, Milady.”

Illuminated by the early sunlight from beyond the balloon-shade lace curtains, her hair looked like it was glowing, even in my dim line of sight. Its color was comparable to the Moon, the stars and rice ears. It changed depending on the moment one gazed at it. That person herself was an elusive beauty.

The morning started out like that.

Pulling my blanket away, I sat up and reached for the chest next to my bed. The object inside it, made of nothing more than two thin glass plaques, greatly increased my field of vision. Amongst the many goods sent to me by someone who I was not yet certain if I should call “father”, my glasses were my allies. And I had one more ally as well.

“Today, you are to have dance practice after the end of lectures. Time has come for you to step into the next stage. There is nearly nothing to correct in your way of walking. Please have confidence. Afterwards, let us practice transcribing spoken material.”

A handmaiden of blue orbs that were attractive to an odd extent. No – in reality, she was not one at all. The truth was that she was an Auto-Memories Doll dispatched for my sake. But I was not supposed to let others know about it. We had to deceive everyone in the academy.

I am Isabella York. Half a month had passed ever since we started having a routine together, but I had never seen the sleeping face of the Auto-Memories Doll that went to sleep later and woke up earlier than I did.

 

 

I had heard that the property of the academy I attended had once been a rose plantation belonging to an extinguished country, which had existed in the distant past. The school where four hundred types of roses were planted was enveloped in fragrances to the point of making one cough during the warm periods of blossoming.

The ground could be seen from the schoolhouse, hidden as it was in a mountain range, but people would never be able to catch a glimpse of the building from outside. The only ones allowed to live there inside of secluded rooms were young women and handmaidens that had permission to stay for a fixed period alone. What protected the ladies like a knight was a tall fence that blocked the air from the outer world. It surrounded and enclosed the school building. Those allowed to enter were solely relatives, future fiancés and teachers.

Amongst the teachers, there were no males. It was essentially a girls’ garden. A life completely packed within a box, in which we were not permitted to return home once we enrolled, except during long-term vacations.

The circumstances of the students varied, but they consisted of those meant to take a social position of high status or settled to marry someone with said position eventually. If I were to say it, I was probably the latter. I had a negotiation and made an agreement with my father to sell over the whole rest of my life. Being thrown into such a school had unmistakably been the result of him wanting me to be polished into a fine product.

“What color of ribbon will it be?”

Right now, she intended to turn my wine-red hair into tight and firm braids. Reflected in the dresser mirror, she and I wore the same uniform. It was a pure white cape over dark blue one-piece, white socks and red shoes. The ornaments specified by the academy were all items that made perceivable the excellence of their quality.

“Red…”

Her fingers, all the while covered by long white gloves, tied the ribbon for me.

Every now and then, a creaking mechanical noise would ensue. Since she and I were sleeping in the same room with our beds next to each other, I knew that the cause of said noise were her prosthetics. I quite liked the sound. I believed it to be a part of her robot-like self that had a hint of humanity. The meaning of those words was contradictory, but that was it.

Once both of the three-strand braids were done, I turned around and said, “You… always wear your hair like that, huh?”

Looking at my reflection in the mirror, she nodded pointedly.

That type of braiding did not seem like something I could possibly do. It did not dishevel no matter how much she moved around the whole day, so it was probably a well-thought hairdo. But the way it looked when loose was more charming. If I were to talk about her slovenliness before going to sleep…

I fleetingly glanced outside the room’s window. There were still only a few students heading from the dormitory to the school building. I then stood up from the chair that I had been sitting on and went around to behind her. While laughing at how wary she became of her back, I eased her with a, “there, there” and made her sit down. And so, I undid her perfect braiding.

“Hum, Milady. That would be troubling. You will not make it in time to the morning lessons.”

“It’s okay. You know, I used to be… a pro at braiding my little sister’s hair. I can do it quick. Your hair feels like velvet to the touch… Seems like it would sell for an expensive price,” vile thoughts made their way out of my mouth accidentally.

Letting me do as I pleased, she furrowed her brows. “You will sell it?”

“Huhu… I won’t.”

I earned a slightly pleasant feeling from her face, expressionless by default, clouding over.

“Everyone at my workplace tells me to ‘keep it long’.”

“That’s right. I also think so. See, while we were talking about that, I finished it.”

It was a very simple pair of braids. Wavy streaks dangled as traces of the hair that had been braided on the spots a little above her ears. Her adult-like impression had faded off quite a bit.

“How is it?”

“I have the feeling that it appears childish.”

“Is that so? I think it’s cute, though… Then, I’ll make these into buns… Look, it’s a sheep-horn hairstyle.”

“It does not go well with the uniform.”

“Indeed, this chaste-looking dress is too much for a cheerful head. What should I do?”

“Milady, you are playing with me, are you not?”

“So I got caught?”

“Please stop fooling around. Also, I have told you this numerous times, but please use proper obligatory language. All right?”

She was inexpressive and hard to read, but it seemed I had angered her. I would meekly say “yes” only at times like those, but other than when we were alone together, I did not intend to fix that. Because it would be suffocating.

In the end, we ran out of time, so she wound up accompanying me with her hair untied.

From what I heard later on, she apparently did not quite like to have her hair down. According to her, that was because it could hinder her field of vision if the wind blew and cause grave accidents when she was doing something.

Going by that logic, I felt that having a hair so lengthy was not a good thing in itself, but it matched her, so there was no helping it. The opinions of the people from her workplace added up to it as well. Even I wanted to tell her to keep it long.

Strangely enough, even though she was the kind of person that did not seem to need others, she made others feel like they should not leave her on her own. I was a little jealous of that.

“Milady, a daughter of the York household cannot be tardy by any means. Please hurry.”

Mixing with the students that rushed to the school building, we walked through a red brick path.

The school building was far from the dormitory. But that path was surrounded by trees and flowers and extremely lovely. Since I had been raised in a land of greenery, it made me want to stop and stare.

“We’ll get scolded by the nuns if we run.”

“Then, let us go at a fast pace.”

“Ahahah, what’s up with that?”

She pulled my hand and trotted. While looking at her, I was thinking.

——Just how many people in this world wouldn’t think of me as someone of no importance?

I pondered on that while racing up. Nobody but my little sister came to mind. However, she was only a three-year-old toddler.

She would call for me with a, “hey, hey” without ever having pronounced my name properly.

As I did not want to supply my musings with her, I said to the one in front of me, “Hey! How about we don’t go to class but to some other place?”

I wondered what she was doing now. Wondered if she was not hungry.

“To where?”

My adorable little sister. Her sweet voice was sometimes irritating, sometimes endearing.

“Doesn’t matter! Let’s go together… The weather is so good.”

She had marigold-colored, fluffy and curly angel-like hair. There was a softness to her puffy cheeks.

“I wanna go somewhere. It would be reassuring if I were with you.”

All of it was nostalgic.

“We cannot leave this academy, Milady.”

All of it was nostalgic.

“We cannot go anywhere.”

Those words froze my heart, and I ended up halting in my tracks.

She was merely stating the truth, so she was not at fault for anything. She was not at fault.

“You have to lie at times like these. Be nice.”

Yet I wound up accidentally speaking in a thorny way.

She soon uttered an, “I am terribly sorry” and deeply lowered her head. I felt displeased. That was wrong; it was not what I had been after.

It was not as if I wanted to make use of my position to stand above like that.

“Hm-hm, I was the one in the wrong just now. Sorry.”

I had just wanted her to treat me as a friend.

Once I drew her hand closer, I rested my head on her shoulder. Mutely, I was requesting her to pat my head. No, it might be that I was wishing for us to be something like lovers.

Perhaps she had already grown used to that, as she caressed me with her artificial arm even without me saying anything. The students passing by were looking at us. There would probably be rumors about us again. That the daughter of the York house and her handmaiden had an unusual relationship.

Whatever. As of now, I did not need any allies other than her.

 

 

“Miss York. Wouldn’t you have a meal with us sometime?”

In the academy, where one’s surname was their own name, I was well-known as “Miss York”.

It seemed that, when traced back, the York family came across the lineage of some royal household. If I was certain, it was Drossel or something.

In my first encounter with the person who had been assigned as my handmaiden role, she had explained to me that she had been introduced to Drossel as well. I had thought she was an uncanny beauty during the first time we had met. Since she was so dear to me now, the so-called human emotions were unbelievable to me.

To bring back the subject, it appeared that the fact the York house had relations to a royal family was superb, but was getting involved with me something so highly honorable? Maybe because of that, fellow classmates I was not very well-acquainted with would often come talk to me. Like, “Won’t you affiliate with the Salon?”. Or, “I want to be your friend”. Or, “My father is in your father’s debt”. They would one-sidedly grant me information. Even though I would never ask them anything along the lines of, “please tell me about it”.

Meaning that forming a connection with me equaled increasing the prestige of my classmates’ statuses.

——My, my, even if the social positions change, the true nature of people stays the same.

I looked at her and nodded. Just smiling would not earn me anything. To be honest, I was not allowed to talk much.

“My apologies. It seems that Milady would rather refrain from it this time.”

That was because, if I were to speak carelessly, the crude part of me would end up exposed. Until I was done with my “education”, she would act as my representative for all sorts of matters. As a rule, we were only allowed to bring in handmaidens for three months after enrolling into the academy, so from that point onward, I would have to do everything by myself.

“You declined it last time saying the same thing.”

Which was why I would steal and copy the ways of dealing with those kinds of situations from her, my mentor.

“Milady’s body is not stout, and she has been living her girlhood being able to spend a large amount of time by herself. She is not accustomed to life in an organization. She soon becomes feverish from talking with strangers. If you could wait for now until Milady becomes familiar with the academy routine… We know the names and pedigree of people who have come talk to her. She will most likely be the one making invitations eventually.”

“I-Is that so? Then it’s all right. Well, Miss York, good day to you.”

That was a perfectly lady-like manner of refusal, which did not cause either us or the other party to lose face. The refused classmate also did not seem to have taken it with ill intent. She quickly left together with other friends.

“What should we do now?”

It was a rule that the entire school body had to eat at the cafeteria. The atrium-like structure of said cafeteria, which also had terrace seats, bore an air of spaciousness. Even if all three hundred students and the whole academy’s staff had a meal together at the same time, it possessed more than enough seats to accommodate them.

Depending on the time of the year, seasonal events were held there as well. From that point on, the place would be prepared for a ball. I had to get ready for it too. I did not want to, though.

“Milady, what will you be eating?”

“I’m troubled. I feel like having noodles today.”

Each of us had to order our meals out of a predetermined menu to the personnel. I would have fun ordering different things each time, but in the end, I settled for eating a rich noodle soup with plenty of seafood that she recommended me. Since Auto-Memories Dolls journeyed around the world, they were knowledgeable of the noted products and delicacies of given regions. Noodles had a flavor worthy of praise. She said so upon making the decision, putting tealeaves mixed with rose petals into a pot, and I wondered if she was not going to eat anything solid, or even a single bread.

“Don’t you get hungry like that?”

“I have a meal box with me.”

She finished eating in a matter of few seconds, commenting on my aspect and my attitude regarding my surroundings while drinking the black tea afterward. I had not asked about her personal history, but her actions were just like that of the bodyguards who would be around my father. They ate extremely fast as well. They would do so because they could not grab their weapons fast enough while eating. I also ate fast. In my case, it was because I used to live in an environment where I had no idea when I would be able to get food again if I did not eat on the spot.

I suppressed my wish to take the dish in my hands and drink the remainder of the soup with big gulps, scooping it with the spoon. As I ate, I noticed that she had been observing one point all the time. There was a girl coming towards the direction past us in a hesitant pace after having placed post-meal cakes and tea on a tray.

——Uwah, seems like she’ll drop it.

In the instant I thought that, the girl stumbled over nothing. The fact there existed a girl who could trip so prettily in a way that could be called exhilarating was startling even. I could easily imagine the disaster that would be brought about. I readied myself for the three types of cake flying towards me as I squeezed my eyes shut.

However, no matter for how many seconds I braced myself for that reality, the future I had predicted did not come.

As I fearfully opened my eyes, which had been firmly closed, there she was, embracing the girl’s waist with one hand and holding the tray with the other. Although some of them collapsed, the items that had flung midair were secured.

“Are you all right?” She, whose background was unknown and who frequented the academy by playing the role of my handmaiden, displayed wonderful gentlemanly manners.

“Y-Yes…” The cheeks of the girl who had been safely secured along with the cakes were tinted pink.

I was jealous that she was able to look into those blue orbs and be talked to with that skylark-like voice from a very near distance. It seemed many people thought the same, for shrill voices rose from somewhere.

“Let us be careful and go to your table together. Milady, I will leave you for a moment.”

I nodded elegantly, gesturing lightly for her to take care of it. Although it was rude of me, if I were to describe the nervousness of the girl being escorted by her, who walked so gracefully, it was laughable. There was no helping it.

Within one month of attendance, she would occasionally be assisting people, just like me. There was no end to the students who idolized that courteous style in addition to her appearance, voice and way of carrying herself. How could I put it? Perhaps she was a person who could easily… become someone admired in a girls-only garden. Her looks were of an incredible beauty, but the inside was manly, so to speak. No, it was a bit different from that. She had a firm core and was worth being relied upon. Seemed cold but was kind. Gave off a feeling of absolute reassurance. Her figure as she always stood reserved by my side at a reasonable distance was almost like that of a knight.

Yes. Everyone wanted to be protected. Not from a specific foreign enemy, but from the many sorts of uncertainties that we shouldered.

Due to that, I had known for a long time now that she was secretly referred to as “Lady Knight Princess”.

 

 

“That is it for the review of today’s class… Now, then, I would like to start dance practice.”

The lessons of the day generally ended at dusk. Afterward, as a rule, we would go back to our room and redo the contents of the classes. After all, I had never received tuition that could actually be called an education. There were many things I did not know. She had been the one dispatched to me also so that I could take lessons in secrecy with the best teacher and cover up the gap between myself and the other students.

Our contract period was of three months. We had twenty days left. I would have to go through self-studies from thereafter. I could manage my lessons even through self-study, but I could not do that about conversational skills, manner of carrying myself or dancing. The fact that she had a relation to Drossel had been the main cause behind her selection, but there were other reasons.

The person who had invited her had been a caretaker of the royal family that did the so-called role of wet nurse, and she seemed to have detected a talent for lecturing in the latter back when she had previously hired her as Auto-Memories Doll. Had she served as mediator by saying that there was a fine and capable person around just when my father had been contemplating about whom to have for teaching such a toilsome girl in secret? I had no idea if that woman knew of my true circumstances, but I believed she had made a superb decision.

Amongst Auto-Memories Dolls, there were many who had received lady-like education and who were young girls, on top of that. It was also easy for them to infiltrate as handmaiden. Had it been a private tutor that just graduated from college, there was a possibility that she would be too old, and more than anything, it was not as if she would be extensively refined. Thinking that way, it maybe could be said that the so-called Auto-Memories Dolls were lady role models who would not cause embarrassment no matter where they turned in. It probably depended on each person, though. At the very least, she was qualified. I was not one to talk, but I had a feeling that she was used to dealing with troublesome people.

I let out a heavy sigh. “Are we seriously gonna do this? I’ll… definitely end up stepping on your feet.”

“It is not a matter of being able to do it or not; it is an indispensable element that you must see to,” she told me flatly as I expressed objection with my sharp tongue.

“Lady Knight Princess, you’re scary.”

“Did you say something just now?”

With an icy gaze directed at me, I rapidly shook my head left and right. “No… I didn’t, I didn’t. Is it okay if we do it wearing the uniform?”

“You should actually wear a dress… but Milady’s dress is not ready yet, so we shall do it like this until it arrives. I will do the male role. Your right hand…”

I was delighted only about holding her hand. I fixed my posture according to what she said.

“The next event is called a ball, but it is a dance party. There will be no problems if you so much as learn the most basic steps of waltz. I believe it is all right not to adhere too much to formalities. The goal is to enjoy it while chatting with your schoolmates. Milady, in order for you not to be troubled when you receive invitations, I shall have you perform both the male and female roles.”

Her hands rounded my back and our bodies came closer at once. My chest that particularly did not form a cleavage and her chest that looked slender under clothing touched, and my cheeks unwittingly grew red. Then I closed my eyes.

“What is the matter?”

“I thought you were gonna kiss me.”

“May I ask why you thought so?”

“Somehow… When bodies are so close together, don’t you feel like doing it?”

“I do not. I will not.”

Being taught by someone with not seem to have a single ounce of sexual desire withered my will as well. Reluctantly, I decided to take the dance lesson seriously.

“The natural position is not to stand straight forward but to turn half of your body to the side a little… Yes, and with my hand touching the area of Milady’s shoulder blade. The elbows must not shake. They tend to shake as we move, but have a horizontal line in mind.”

It was quite difficult to bear straightness in mind. It made me aware of how loose a posture I normally had. My body trembled just from maintaining my pose.

“This is difficult.”

It was difficult enough for me to become coquettish from all the long sighs and agony.

“Accustom yourself to it. Let us repeat the same movement… Milady, please entrust yourself with the male role as we progress. Protecting your aide in a venue where other people are dancing as well is the male role. Leave your body to me… If you do not do so, I cannot protect you whenever it might seem that someone will bump onto us.”

“I kinda… wanna move with more vigor.”

“No can do; please feel my movements… match my breathing.”

“I feel like… my breathing will stop. It really is excruciating, like my body is strained.”

“It will soften with time. Do it slowly in no hurry.”

If I were to describe her teaching, it was as though only the “stick” part had been extracted from “carrot and stick”.

I was exhausted from fatigue just by doing that for ten minutes. Perhaps because I had continued to do it with my neck bent backwards, the muscular pain soon started acting up. I had completely grown sick of dance by break time.

Rolling onto my room’s bed, I hugged my pillow and shouted, “I wanna do something more fun!”

As I flailed my legs to express displeasure, she repressed me without a moment’s delay, “Your underwear is visible.”

Try as I might, it appeared that dancing did not suit me.

As I briefly raised my face, she was staring down at me with a look that obviously seemed to say, “You are such a troublesome person”.

I yelled angrily in defiance, “I can’t do everything as smoothly as you! You and I are different!”

“‘Different’?”

“That’s right! Different in any and everything… You’re unfair…”

The difference was enough to go beyond making one feel jealousy and led them to the point of desistance.

“Aren’t you so blessed?”

She was a pretty, intelligent and proud professional lady who could go anywhere. That was the opposite of me, who was henceforth merely going to be polished and sold off as the commodity so-called “woman”. I was living in order to be eventually delivered to some old man who I had no idea how many years would be apart from me in age with a ribbon wrapped around me. As for her… I did not know what she was living for but she was able to make all sorts of decisions by herself.

I could not choose anything on my own anymore. Because I had made a big choice once.

“Milady.” She sat on the bed and nestled close to me. Then slowly pulled away a tuft of hair that had stuck to my mouth with her artificial fingers.

Was the fact that she had started giving me a mellow look only at times like those despite being expressionless all the time a proof of intimacy from spending the past couple of months with me? Or could it be…

“I have tired you out a bit…”

…a technique of hers? She was truly, truly… extremely kindhearted every now and then. She was being that gentle to me because she was paid to, but even so, such gentleness could become a habit. I decided to view her in a way that left me pondering over how that was surely the reason why she was famous in the Auto-Memories Doll business.

“My deepest apologies for making you force yourself too much.”

She made people mistakenly feel almost as if they were more special than anyone else. Even someone like me.

“I will bring hot water. Please go heal your exhaustion with a bath.”

Even though she was being unreasonably told off by a selfish mistress, she did not give the slightest sign of irritation. I could not imagine her being angry, but there was a limit to how much one could bear up with in that situation. I felt like she had grown weary of me, like she had given up on me, and became anxious.

“H-Hey.” As if working on automatic, my hand moved. “I’ll go too.” I grabbed the hem of her skirt and sat up.

“Milady. The buckets are heavy for you to carry.”

“I don’t wanna make you carry it alone.”

“Milady, all you have to do is to act lady-like.”

“I will, I will. I’ll become the Milady that you want in front of everyone. But, when we’re just by ourselves…”

Maybe because I was making such a desperate face, her eyes softened a little. “Understood.”

We did about three round trips to fill my gold cat-leg porcelain tub with seethed boiling water for a hot bath and finally finished collecting the heated water. There was a large bathtub in the dormitory that everyone used collectively, but we did not fancy it. Her arms were prosthetics, and I did not want her to reveal her naked body to other people either.

As she was about to exit the bathroom with a, “Well, then, take your time”, I detained her. “Let’s go in together.”

“No, thank you.”

“If you only go in after I leave, the water will have cooled down.”

“I do not mind.”

“I’ll be happy if you go in with me.”

“Milady, I am not here to make you happy.”

“We always repeat this dialogue, but in the end, you lose your wit, so just agree upright.”

Silence.

I had complete grasp of how weak she was to pressure.

While it seemed like she wanted to say something, she uttered, “No helping it. However, please stop staring fixatedly at me when I am undressing. Please do not try to touch me without permission, either. I will quit this job the moment that any inappropriate actions take place.”

I regretted not being able to hide my ulterior motives.

We immersed ourselves in the bathtub side by side. Although the tub was wide, it was narrow for two people to go in. She sat on the edge so as not to let her prosthetics touch the heated water to the best of her abilities, while I had my knees folded inside the tub.

It was quite difficult not to stare up and down at her as she wiped her body with a cloth soaked in warm water. Unlike me, who had never done physical exercise, she had a toned body. The glossiness of her skin had a pearly gleam. She herself was the copy of a heavenly nymph from some painting. I believed that no one would manage not to pay attention to a woman with such a beautiful naked figure, regardless of gender.

I brought up a subject as naturally as I could, “By the way, that girl… called you over at the end of class by the school building’s entrance, right? See, the one who stumbled magnificently during lunch break.”

“Aah… My apologies for leaving your side that time.”

“That’s fine. But didn’t she do anything weird to you?”

“She was not the kind of person who coaxes others into kissing like Milady does.”

I wondered if I was the most dangerous person in her perception.

“Right, right… She gave me something in a wrap back then as gratitude. Those things that serve for applying color to nails… were they called ‘nail polish’? There were countless types of them in it. But I am reflecting on how to use them since my hands are prosthetics.”

Her prosthetics impressively started from around the area of both her shoulders. They gave off the impression of being fake. Perhaps because of that, her humanness was indistinct. She really did seem like a mechanical doll. Of course, the flesh part of her was extraordinarily sensual and overflowed with charm, though.

Under what sort of circumstances had she become like that? Had her arms been severed, had they rotted and fallen off? Her visible scars were not only those. From neck to toes, big and small scratches could be faintly spotted.

“Is that so…?”

The war had ended just a few years before in our continent. Even without asking about her past, I somehow could guess it. In reality, arms of white and smooth skin had used to exist there just like her other parts. Even she, who could not be said to have the body of an adult, was supposed not to like the fact that her arms had been turned into artificial ones.

That was why I said especially lightly, “I’ll paint your toe nails. When we get out of the bath. You already received it… so it’s better to wear it for that girl’s sake. She might have been happy just from you accepting it, though.”

“Milady…” She firmly squeezed her lengthy blond hair, water drops spilling from it. “Milady, you have not asked me about my arms even once.”

The droplets that fell down with dripping noises looked like hourglass sand. They made me conscious of my remaining time with her.

I approached her side and smiled. To express that molesting her was not what I intended to do, I raised both of my hands once. On top of that, I placed my cheek over her knee. It gave off the lukewarm feeling of a human being. I had imagined she would have the tender skin of a girl, but that was not the case.

“You also haven’t asked me where or how I was living before becoming the daughter of a big-name millionaire.”

Since I was in love with her, I did feel like monopolizing her future, past and present. But people had things that they did and that they did not want to talk about. I was not very smart, yet I was aware of that much. Because it was valid for me as well.

No matter what happened, I did not want to tell her about my past.

 

 

That night, we went to sleep after having painted our toenails with matching colors of nail polish.

I had a dream. A dream about my little sister. I was eating pancakes with her. It was in some place that I did not recognize. A simple wooden house… the kind of home that people would use to describe a happy household.

We had never eaten pancakes during the time we used to live together, so that might have been a manifestation of my desire. The desire of just eating something tasty with my little sister.

She could not properly hold onto the spoon yet, so I was feeding her. In the dream, we had poured plenty of honey and cream onto the pancakes and decorated them with cherry crowns. When I asked her if it was yummy, she beamed and nodded. I was so, so happy with that smile…

And then I woke up.

Overcome as I was with a feeling of great joy that exceeded any pleasure and drug, I could not suppress my tears and coughs. I wiped my snot and tears with the sleeve of my negligee. It was not as if I wanted to cry.

Still, though, what a useless body function. Tears did not serve any purpose. I knew with all of my being that no one would help me out even if I wailed.

Unable to bear lying on my side, I sat up. The disease was more agonizing if I stayed laid down. Rubbing my wheezing chest, I desperately attempted to hold back the coughs.

That disease had afflicted me ever since meeting my father, but it was no thread to my life. It was just that the coughs were painful.

I wondered why that was happening. I was supposed to be happy right now. Yet my body complained about how unlucky and tormented it was.

I had made a choice. For that child’s sake, I could do my best at anything. I had honestly thought that I would be able to endure anything. I had been confident that such feeling would not fade no matter how many cold nights I had to live through. That did not change even as of late, where my situation was different.

——Still, why am I feeling so pained?

“Milady,” a clear voice echoed throughout the bedroom that was enshrouded in night.

My shoulders flinched as I turned my face towards the bed next to mine. I wondered for how long she had been awake, for she was looking at me. Her blue eyes were like candlelight in the slightly dark room.

“My cough won’t…”

“I will bring you water.”

“It’s fine, no need. It’s useless…”

“Then I am going over there.”

She came to my side before I asked. Gathering her own pillows and cushions from the sofa, she piled many of them up. As she placed them at my back, I was able to find a comfortable position even while seated. She also sat close to me, the two of us sharing a blanket. When I stretched out my hand, she held onto it.

“Isn’t it hard for you to sleep if you can’t lie down?”

“I can sleep anywhere.”

“You have an awful job, huh? Even though you’re just an Auto-Memories Doll… you gotta spend three months with someone like me.”

But it was just for a bit more.

“There is no good or bad when it comes to work. Besides, my holding of Milady’s hand right now is not my duty.”

My time with the only person who acted as ally in my academy life full of lies was scarce.

“Yup.” I rested my head on her shoulder. “Hey, you’re nice… but why?”

“What might you mean?”

“Y’know, you’re normally strict… but you’re super nice at times like these, right? Why? Even though I was pretty disgusting. From the very start, you always…”

“‘Disgusting’…?” As if not understanding what I was talking about, she had a question mark overhead.

“Didn’t I tell you when we first met? ‘I have no intention to get familiar with you. So don’t talk to me about anything other than the bare minimum needed for my tuition’.”

Back then, I had been tossed into in a world I did not know, so every person that I saw used to look like an enemy to me. I had convinced myself that such a brazen beauty who had come over at an expensive price was also unmistakably scorning at me on the inside.

“You indeed told me so. I was doing just as you ordered until half the way.”

“Haha, because I took that order back… I am… horrible. You’re… nice…”

It had happened a week after enrollment, in the middle of the night. I had had a coughing fit due to emotional vertigo just like now. I remembered that she had reacted fast and raised her body. For a while, she had watched over me from the neighboring bed as I coughed. As she had merely stood observing, I had resented her, thinking about what a terrible person she was.

——I don’t have a single ally.

It was not as if I had been drunk on tragedy. But I had been unable to think anything other than that. Firmly suppressing tears, I had coiled up.

——I won’t lose; I can’t stay weak like this. I got this cough because my feelings are feeble.

Despite my self-scolding, the cough had only worsened and did not get better. Although it was apparently an illness called asthma, there was no specific medicine for it. I could only wait for it to subside.

——It’s hard to breathe and there’s nothing I can do.

I had been on the verge of going crazy.

——I wanna sleep but I can’t.

Even as I closed my eyelids and nodded off, the coughing had prevented my sleep. Just as I had been about to scream from that vicious cycle, I felt someone’s touch against my back. My body had then convulsed with a start. I had never experienced someone doing something like that for me.

When I bent my neck to look behind, I had found her mutely stroking my back. Albeit not saying anything, her gaze had seemed worried. She had carried on caressing my back. Our eyes had met in the darkness, and she had opened her mouth once but then closed it. I had wondered why. Finally, I had realized it.

——Aah, it’s ‘cause I…

It was because I had told her not to talk. Like a machine, she had been faithfully following what I had said. That had probably been the reason why she had not asked if I was all right… Because I had ordered so myself.

I had thought she was a terrible person.

——I’m the one who’s terrible.

I had lay face-down, hiding my tears and letting her do as she pleased.

——I’m all about myself, but this person is…

Her hand had never stopped.

Was I not actually the one being terrible to the world? Suddenly, that thought had crossed my mind. Because, see, I was supposed to be an unpleasant mistress from her point of view, yet she worried about me. She had been supposedly sleepy too. Saying that having to spend three months beside a cocky and unrefined little girl was some sort of punishment could not be considered a joke. Even so, she was kind.

——She’s nice.

Only when I was by her side could I think slightly gently of the world. I could feel that I was being taken care of. Just a little bit, my existence shone. In the world I so rejected, for the first time, I had been able to breathe in properly.

After that night had passed, I had remade my request to her. I had told her that, if she could, I wanted her to talk to me normally as a fellow girl who was close to her in age.

“I am nice…?” As expected, she remained with a questioning expression. It seemed she had no intention to do that.

I looked at our matching toenails as our feet peeked out of the blanket and laughed, “You are.”

“Is that so? I am merely copying it. One time, when I was injured, the person who was with me left cushions for me like this so that the wounded part would not hurt. Thanks to him, I was able to sleep well that day. There was also a time when I got a fever from overwork, and he woke up many times at night to give me water.”

Since she had been treated kindly, she would mimic it in a similar situation, was what she was saying.

“I see.”

I wondered how many people on this earth could manage to do that. How many of them understood the real meaning behind the merit of doing it.

“Milady, if you cannot sleep, shall we talk about constellations? I am always studying them.”

People cared mostly about themselves.

“‘Kay.”

Even being affectionate with others involved calculations and profits.

“Then, let me tell you about the anecdote of the twin stars that twinkle in the night sky at this time of the year.”

They were properly able to comprehend the wonderfulness of natural kindness only after getting hurt a lot.

“‘Kay.”

I wanted to become strong, I thought.

I wanted to have a soul that would stand tall no matter what winds and waves came at me. I wanted a heart of steel that would not budge, regardless of how much my sadness and loneliness attempted to kill me. Also, I wanted to accept several matters and be kind to people.

I believed that surely her gentleness seeped so deeply into my flesh and bones was because she had been hurt in an equal amount. There were numerous scratches carved into her body. Were they not the same as the wounds in her heart? It was precisely because she was someone who had been hurt that her kindness was different from other people’s.

I did not want to forget the emotion I was having at the time. That was what she made me feel.

 

 

Quick, quick, turn.

We repeated dance practice over and over, and when the day of the ball arrived, a package was delivered to me. It had a mail in the name of my father.

Countless large boxes were stacked in a corner of my room. Jewels, dresses and high-heel shoes revealed themselves as we unwrapped their cute casings. A part of them was for her as well.

Upon looking at the postal agency covering letter attached to the baggage, she made a face as though she were suppressing a sneeze.

“What’s wrong?”

“My dress was sent from my company’s president… so the one who delivered it to the academy’s gates was most likely a postman that I know. There is a scribble here.”

On the covering letter was the name of the postman, and next to it was a smile mark that seemed to have been drawn by a child. There was a speech bubble coming from the scribble, and on it were written the words “You playin’ around?”.

“What does this mean?”

“I imagine he wants to say, ‘hurry back home’.”

“That so?”

“My original occupation is ghostwriting, after all. The reason why I took on this job was that I received an invitation from the Drossel Kingdom, which has deep-rooted connections with the York household. Milady, this is a topic unrelated to you, but ever since being hired by them previously, I have received several job proposals… Even for a postal company, turning them down was a tough demand. As a request from the president, I am now here like this, but I myself have never been away from the agency for this long. It is also difficult to keep in touch with the outside world in this place, so I cannot report to them on a fixed term. This letter is probably his own way of showing concern.”

Her voice resounded more gently than usual as she spoke. The facial expression of just now might have been her biting back a smile.

——I see, so there are other people like this?

If it were I of until a while before, my head would have surely filled up with jealousy. But after three months had passed, I had come to know what sort of person she was, and had come to know myself through her. The values of the human being that I was had reformed but a little.

There had not been much change in her expression, but she seemed happy, so I was happy too. Of course, I felt loneliness as well.

“Hey, you leave today, right?”

“Yes. Our contract will terminate as soon as the ball ends. I will depart tonight.”

“Then, let’s have lots of fun together… in the ball,” I forced a laugh.

——Just a bit more left. I want the figure of myself that will stay within you to be something joyful.

“Well, then.”

——Because I’m fond of you. So I want you to place me in your good memories. Even if I don’t become a part of your life, even if you forget me, even if I’m the only one who will remember, I want to make a little effort. For both the girl I like and the little sister I love, I want to be something good. I want to remain as something good.

“Could you escort me?” I stretched out my hand and said so as a joke, yet she all too seriously nodded, raised one leg and kneeled down on the spot.

“With pleasure, Milady.”

Even though she was called “Lady Knight Princess”, there was no helping her coolness.

 

 

My fingerless gloves were made of black lace embroidery. Bijou straps held my slender heeled shoes.

I did not need my glasses. I had an escort, after all.

I placed a wreath woven with fresh flowers on my hair. My pastel pink square-neck satin dress, which seemed to make a laughable appeal to cuteness, was as light as a feather. A red panier that looked like piled-up roses was visible from underneath the ankle-length hem.

Since I had only ever dressed modestly in the academy, the schoolmates I passed by whispered something at the discrepancy of impression that I brought about. No, perhaps it was not me. The person that they were supposedly spreading rumors about was someone else.

“Everyone’s looking at you.”

Her high-neck dress tightly buttoned up to her collar did not allow any distracting exposure. It was a full-fledged protection so-called a long-sleeve robe. I wanted to commend the sense of the person that had chosen it. It concealed her arms of artificial mechanism in a splendidly elegant way.

“Is there anything strange about it?”

“No. It means you’re pretty.”

“But everyone is dressed-up.”

“You’re the prettiest of all.”

Decorated with a braid, her long, long golden hair cascaded down from one side of her face. Seen from behind, her figure was most charming. Like stars, there were rose adornments here and there on her hair and dress. She herself was looking slightly doubtful, but her beauty was one that could be observed forever.

The cafeteria had its appearance transformed and turned into a ball venue. Said venue, covered with white and blue glitter markings, was like a world made of night skies. Silver balloons flew and spread around over the atrium ceiling. Arranged on countless interconnected long tables were various delicacies that displayed the prowess of the academy’s cooks.

From meat dishes to fish dishes, one could eat gems of rich hues at the buffet. An overwhelming sense of presence wafted from cupcakes and cookies lined up in rows, which had icing applied even to their insides.

It seemed that the table coordination plan was committed as well. Flowers decorated the teacups, candlelight wavered from within glass blows and all glasses had chiffon ribbons tied around them.

“Sublimely expensive, huh. Almost like a wedding ceremony. I’ve never attended one, though.”

Should a land of dreams exist, I wondered if it would feel like that.

Unlike me, who was nervous from being at my first time in such a situation, she was something majestic. Actually, she no different from normal.

“Shall we get ourselves something…? Is there anything you wish for?”

I rested a hand on my stomach and groaned, “My corset is tight so it doesn’t seem like I’ll be able to eat much… Hey, don’t leave my side. My vision is pretty blurry. It’s not like I can’t see, though.”

“I promise. I will not leave your side.”

Just as declared, although many people called to her, she did not leave my side. At the height of the banquet, volunteering students gathered up bringing instruments and started playing music. Everyone began swaying and, while blindly following an inspection on the melody, they went out into the dance hall with their partners. My stomach started hurting as that time at last arrived.

——If I fail, they’ll find out that I’m not a girl of nobility.

Such act that would stain the dignity of the York family. They might then become unable to go along with the conditions established in exchange of me carrying out the duty of successor.

In spite of saying, “I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna”, I had been doing my best for that sake.

“Milady,” someone whispered into my ear, causing me to have goosebumps.

I turned my whole body, which had become stiff from anxiety, toward her direction. The one standing beside me was…

“Please be at ease. Milady, your grasp of dance is perfect. I guarantee it.”

…my sole ally.

“It might be easy to trip with shoes that you are not used to. However, if you are concerned about stumbling down, it absolutely will not happen.”

She was the only girl who knew of my circumstances.

“After all, I will protect you.”

My girl, who was like a knight.

——If you say so, there will be no failures. Because I know it. You don’t tell lies, and you definitely fulfill your promises.

It could be idiotic of me to believe so much in her even though we had only spent a few months together. If it were my former self, I would never let my guard down like that. Still…

——Still, it’s because it’s you.

“Yup, I trust you.”

——Because it’s you.

“And thank you for until now; this is your last job.”

——Because it’s you.

“I’ll leave the man role to you, but do let me say it.”

——Because it’s you, I fell in love and followed after you.

“Violet, please take my hand.”

The golden-haired, blue-eyed Auto-Memories Doll – the most beautiful and distinguished person out of the people I had encountered – Violet Evergarden – smiled the slightest bits as she spoke, “Gladly, Milady.”

 

 

After the ball, we bathed together like always, dried each other’s hair and combed them. Violet went back into the same look as when we first met, with her jacket, ribbon-tie one-piece, emerald brooch and cocoa-brown boots, departing from the academy after midnight.

The next day, I would surely be faced with a bombarding of questions. About where the Lady Knight Princess had gone to.

As we bid farewells, I made her just one request, “I’ll pay for this someday; now I’m empty-handed so I can’t give you anything, but I’ll definitely return the favor. That’s why, can I ask you something as a friend…?”

Violet Evergarden replied with her sweetly ringing voice, “Lady Amy Bartlett. I do not accept money from friends.”

Hearing that response, I became pained enough for my breathing to stop.

I never saw her again after that. Only our letter exchange continued on forever.

 

 

When the name of Isabella York was still Amy Bartlett, she had picked a little girl from a nearby prostitute district at almost the break of dawn.

“Go steal something better next time.”

A boy wearing a hunting hat and bolero that hid his body up to his neck came out of a conversion store that also dealt with stolen goods. Upon a better look, it was obvious that he was actually a girl but her not fully developed body concealed her gender. For a woman to be dressing as a man if not as a hobby, the reason mostly had to do with protecting her own chastity.

Such was that town.

While clicking her tongue and spitting curses at the shopkeeper’s greedy negotiations, Amy found a girl sitting on the ground as she exited the store.

——Aah, this kid…

Rather than a girl, she was closer to being a baby. She was the daughter of a commercial comrade that Amy was close to. Nevertheless, both the child’s parent and Amy were teenagers of the same age group.

The whole town where Amy lived was a prostitution district located in a halfway point that interconnected big cities. The economic structure of the town based itself on entertaining travelers that would run out of supplies and migrating soldiers. The most common business in town after prostitution was burglary. There were also cases where prostitutes served as thieves.

The stolen belongings were brought over to the conversion store, their owners would show up searching for them, and the shopkeeper would make a deal with them for double the original price. It was a vicious cycle of commerce where complicity happened between robbers and sellers.

Amy would often see that child whenever she exited the conversion store. She had also gossiped with the latter’s mother many times.

“Where’s your mom?”

When Amy asked so, the child pointed towards a spot not too far away. Someone had collapsed there. The way that the person’s neck twisted was strange, and so Amy immediately knew that she had died.

“Won’t move.”

“Right, she’s dead.”

Had it been trouble because of jealousy, or had it been a random attacker?

It was probably useless to tell anyone that a person had passed away. She would predictably be told that than living in such a town, where 90% of the crimes that occurred were let be, was worse.

——But since we don’t know any other place or other way of living, this is the only town where we can live.

Amy gazed down at the child who was not yet able to understand her own mother’s death. She had fluffy and curly marigold-colored hair. Although she was wearing drapes, but her facial traits had a loveliness taken after her mother.

If left alone, she would likely be taken away and sold off by some pimp. Either that or she would get caught in the gears of theft business and become unable to break free from it. If one were to presume an even more horrid outcome, her entire body would be cut apart and end up in the hands of a dilettante.

“Your mom bought bread for me once.”

In the past, Amy had been forced to make the same choice. To her, that child almost looked like herself.

“I hadn’t managed to steal any wallets at all and hadn’t eaten anything for who knows how many days, so she was a big help.”

The truth was that she had never received any bread from her, and was merely telling a lie in order to use it as reason.

“That’s why I’ll help bury her.”

Amy waltzed back into the conversion store, told its owner about the situation and borrowed the help of a man. Acquaintances of the child’s mother were present as well, but no one proposed to report to the military police.

After an examination, she was buried safely in a nearby military cemetery. Upon finishing the burial, everyone seemed heavy-eyed.

“What do we do about that thing?” The conversion store’s shopkeeper treated the child who did not attempt to move away from her mother’s grave as an object. “Cut her in pieces or sell her? If you leave it to me, I’ll give you a portion.”

In that moment, Amy’s hands grabbed ahold of the fate of that child who to her was no different from a baby.

——When it was me, this man decided to make me into a thief.

To Amy, an everyday where she had to live as a robber was the worst, but perhaps she had to be thankful that she was not pickled in formalin. No, was she actually supposed to resent him? He had forced her into a path to live in such a world.

“I’ll make her my little sister.”

“Haah?”

That was why Amy thought about bestowing the child with another choice.

“I’ll make her my sister. No cutting her in pieces or selling her.”

No one would use her, nor would she use anyone. She would be granted a choice to be loved as just a child, who might have existed even if she had not been born in that place.

“Amy. She ain’t your kid, right? What kinda sense of duty are you doing that for?”

Amy answered the conversion store’s owner while laughing, “For revenge.”

For herself, the child and the mother, Amy believed she wanted to take revenge upon the world and destiny that were subjecting them to such circumstances.

Amy had been angry ever since being born. And when her mother was murdered by a hoodlum. And when she was coerced by a man into stealing. Even now as she stood in the middle of a cemetery covered in morning fog, Amy was all the while angry. What was that world even, she wondered.

——What did I or they do? Why is the world so unfair?

It was absurd, violent and cruel enough to make her nauseated. Every day, either her body or her heart would ache. There was not a single day without pain.

——Whoever created the world, whoever gave minds to humans and dropped them down to earth is insane.

Amy cursed the perverted bastards that so liked to see people suffering.

“I’ll make this kid happy. She was actually supposed to have been unlucky. I’ll change that. It’ll serve right the horrible people who were supposed to earn money out of her and the God that had been dictating her fate. Just you watch… I’ll definitely, definitely show her a proper lifestyle.”

 

 

Amy Bartlett had become Isabella York one year after that.

Just when Amy had come to learn about loving someone, a messenger of someone who claimed to be her father paid her a visit. According to the messenger, he even now wanted the child of a lover that he had settled with over money in the distant past.

His heirs had perished one after another from an epidemic. He would get her out of that poverty. Therefore, she should present herself to him. Although the messenger spoke in a delicate manner, in the end, he had come to say such a thing.

Destiny made effective use of irrationality. The world only ever used Amy.

Amy asked about her little sister. What would happen to the latter if she went over to the York house?

The messenger looked at Amy’s sister, who she had held in her arms and not let go of ever since he had appeared, and smiled.

They could never see each other again. A person from that household was not allowed to be involved with the daughter of a prostitute. If she did everything as told, they could send her sister to an orphanage or to a family that wanted children as an adopted one.

“That would also be better for her. Will you let her live like this?” he asked while laughing.

——“Let her live like this”?

Upon being questioned, Amy looked around her apartment. Even for someone living on their own, the rooms were of a narrow plan. She had no idea how many years of construction the place had. Both the floor and roof were inclined, and if a storm came, the people who lived there would be blown away. There was a pan with leftovers of a soup that she had made two days before in the kitchen. It was the only thing they would have as meal for that day, too. One of the sides of the room’s curtains was missing. On the floor lay a doll that she had bought for her sister. There were two picture books. Both had been handouts from someone else. Those were the only child toys they owned. Due to a routine without daytime or nighttime, their laundry seemed about to overflow from its basket.

It was a messy apartment. There was nothing clean. Yet it was the most that Amy could currently manage. There was nothing else she could do. No matter how much she triturated her body and worked, God would not give her anything. They did not exist. At the very least, They had never appeared to her.

There was no hope in her life. No passion. No kindness, either. There was not a single thing that shone in such a world of thin pitch-darkness. If there was but one wonderful thing in it…

“Big Sis,” from within Amy’s arms, the most precious of the elements that composed her – her little sister – mustered out a tearful voice, “Bi-g Sis.” Perhaps having felt her guardian’s distress with her entire body, she had started making a crying face. “Big Sis.”

She was not yet able to say Amy’s name correctly, so she had been taught an abbreviation for “big sister” as a provisional pet name.

“Big Sis.”

Amy had wanted to do many things for the child once she grew up.

“Big Sis.”

She wanted her to attend school, make friends and experience many enjoyable moments.

Their relationship had started out of revenge, but that was not the case now. She had managed to find hope for living in her dissatisfaction-ridden, awful life. Saving a small living being who would not be protected by anyone but herself, that is.

Such was Amy’s sole wonderful something. It had become the reason why she was currently fighting to live.

“Come now, there is only one answer you can give, right?”

The man extending a hand to her in the thin pitch-darkness was turning out as not an angel but a demon. Alarm bells resounded in her head, telling her that those who moved forward beyond that point had to throw hope away entirely.

She could not afford to separate from the value of her life, which she had finally found. She did not want to do it. She wanted to flee.

——But…

As the man had said, there was only one answer that she could give.

 

 

Along a highway of thriving greenery, there was an orphanage established through the reformation of a building that used to be a church. In the vicinities of the national institution, which Drossel was contributing to, there were fields and pastures that served as sustenance for the inquilines.

The children that had been taken in were doing farm work while occasionally messing around with each other. As the staff watching over them admonished with, “Do it seriously”, they could hear the vehicle noises of a motorcycle, which could not be well discerned due to being far away from where they were. It was running nimbly through the road of unpaved soil.

Said motorcycle that cut through a scene of cheerful routine stopped in front of the orphanage. Just as the staff fearfully went to inquire about the guest, a man was dismounting the motorcycle.

“It’s the mail.”

He was an odd postman who wore high-heel boots that seemed to make it difficult to walk in such a rural area. His way of speaking was rough, but he had given a proper greeting.

The postal items were letters, and the recipient was a girl that had just recently come to the orphanage. She was an infant who could not yet do farm labor.

Albeit put off by the man, who asserted that he would deliver the mail in person and did not listen to anyone, the staff led him to the room where the girl was. As he entered said room, the girl was absent-mindedly observing colorful lights pouring from a stained glass that had remained intact from the times when the place was a church.

The vivid lights that had transparently melted into the room illuminated it. Perhaps the room was a place for keeping play equipment owned by the children, for there were many bookshelves and toys arranged in it. A young woman dressed as a nun, who indeed seemed to like children, was watching over the other infants.

“Yo, you’ve got two letters addressed to you.” The postman crouched down to meet the child’s gaze and offered the letters.

The child did not try to take them. It might be her first time receiving letters.

She took out of her mouth the finger that she had been sucking and pointed to herself. “Taylor.”

A gleam that seemed like it would pull people in floated on her big eyes. She was apparently welcoming the strange element that had abruptly entered her life, the postman.

The man’s voice resounded with a naturally softened pitch, “Yep, they’re for you.” His eyes narrowed and he smiled just a little.

“For Taylor?”

“That’s right. Two letters for Miss Taylor Bartlett. Can you read? I guess it’s a stupid question to ask a brat that looks like a baby. Hey, you over there; can she read?”

Suddenly talked to by the handsome postman as she stayed silent, the young nun had her face red. She then shook her head mutely.

“No helping it. Hey, Taylor, I’ll read them for you. Is that okay?”

“Taylor.”

“Cool, so it’s okay.”

“Big Bro.”

“Who’s ‘Big Bro’? I have ‘Benedict Blue’ as my awesome name… No, listen. These two envelopes have each come from a different sender. One is from Violet Evergarden. She’s my colleague. It says there that you can visit her if you have any troubles or any favors to ask in the future. She even courteously included a map to CH Postal Service… It means that you can come over if you have problems in getting a job.” The postman, Benedict, pushed the letter onto Taylor after having finished reading it. “Next: sender unknown. Written in it is… What? So short…” There was no other text even as he tried turning over the stationary, so Benedict read it as it was, “‘This is a magic word that will protect you – “Amy”. You just have to recite it’… is what it says.”

Taylor reacted with a start to that word. Her eyes opened wide, blinking several times.

Just for the sake of putting it out there, Benedict bent his neck towards the nun and threw a complaint, “You should teach this kid how to read.”

“Maybe it’s because of the environment she was raised in, but her absorption of knowledge falls behind in comparison to the other children. We have to take care of the other children as well, so we don’t have time to teach her with constant supervision…”

“I get it, but,” Benedict began, “it’s gonna be necessary for when she grows up, ain’t it? More importantly, she can’t read letters… even though I went through the trouble of delivering them. People write letters because they want them to be read, right? And there’re two. Two fellows who sent her letters. It’s okay if it takes time; just teach her.”

Unlike Auto-Memories Dolls, the postmen’s job was delivery. Regardless, even for them, the desire of properly sending the feelings that someone had entrusted them with was the same.

Auto-Memories Dolls got to see the faces of their clients, but they mostly did not see the faces of the people to whom said clients sent letters. The ones who witnessed the moment that someone’s delivery arrived were they.

Indifferent to the exchange between Benedict and the nun, Taylor was attempting to pronounce the word that she had been told, “Eh… Big Sis.”

She did try to do so, but what came out were different words. That was the nickname of the grown-up who had been together with her for a single year in her life, which had only just started.

A new bed, many strangers that she had never seen before. Within that fresh everyday, her memories of that person were fading away. Taylor no longer recalled even her own mother’s face. Surely her recollections of the person called “Big Sis” would be thrown into a furnace of oblivion eventually.

“Big Sis.”

However, now was different. She could remember the doll that that person had given her and the flavor of her soup.

“Big Sis, Big Sis.”

She could remember the warmth from the times of being embraced by her, as well as her hair that used to smell sugary.

“Big Sis.”

She could remember fact that that person used to be a significant existence to her.

As tears surfaced in her eyes, she was able to recall vestiges.

“Amy.”

To Taylor Bartlett, before she had realized, that word had become a magic spell for mustering courage.

 

 

The girl stared up at a red brick building that had a weathercock on its top.

While the girl stood by the roadside, people incessantly entered and exited that postal company of slightly old-fashioned exterior. A young man carrying a package. A young woman holding a letter to a beloved someone under her arm.

The windows seemed already open.

Within the site, a postman mounted his motorcycle while yawning. A bewitchingly beautiful woman came after him in trots. Clicking his tongue at her as she forcefully took over the passenger seat, the youth made a face that did not seem at all dissatisfied from an angle she could not see.

Lively laughter could be heard from the balcony of the third floor. So could the voice of a young woman that was angry for whatever reason. Eventually, a man made his way to the balcony with a teacup in hand. He spotted the girl, who was nothing but a part of the cityscape, and candidly wave at her despite it being their first meeting.

After that, a young woman of lustrous blond hair revealed herself.

It was a place noisier and more valuable than what she had imagined. For the girl, that place was a dreamy one.

Firmly grasping the white dress she was clad in, she stepped forward. And, at the same time, she recited the magic spell.

“Amy.”

 

 

My most beloved Taylor,
this is a letter I cannot send.

From now on, I don’t have any sort of relationship with you. This is the agreement I have made.

Taylor, you see, the truth is that maybe I didn’t want to become a big sister, but a mother.

I love you, so I made this decision on my own accord. I wonder how that will affect your life. I won’t stop wishing for it to go in a good direction.

You’ll forget about me for sure. I wonder if you’ll grow up thinking you don’t have a family. But y’know, Taylor, even if I’m not around anymore, and even if I get buried away within your memories, you’ll call for me. Just that is enough.

Our bond is eternal.

The fact that I used to like your hair, the color of your eyes and your smile, and the fact that I believed I wanted to make you happy – all of it will become eternal. Since “Amy” is a name I can’t be addressed as anymore, since I loved you and since that time was an eternity to me, there will be continuation to it whenever you recite something as if it were magic. There will be continuation to the me that you’re fond of.

That’s why, my Taylor, call my name if you get lonely.