Lady to Queen - Chapter 85 - I'm Not Alright

Chapter 85 – I’m Not Alright

Marchioness Grochester was smiling, and Patrizia replied quickly.

“Yes.”

“Why are you being shy? You’re all grown up now,” the Marchioness said.

“It’s still an embarrassing subject to be discussed in front of you, Mother.”

“Oh no. Actually, I’m surprised. Your attitude toward him was so cold that I thought nothing had happened so far.”

“…It just happened by accident,” Patrizia admitted. She did spend the night with Lucio, but it was more like happenstance. “I was just in a situation where I had no choice. It’s not like I actually have feelings for him.”

“I see,” Marchioness Grochester said calmly, but sadness tinged her tone. It was not pleasant to hear something like that from one’s daughter. She sighed secretly inside, then continued in a soft voice. “Well, nobody knows what will happen in the future.”

“At the very least, you won’t see me in love with him.”

“No one knows about that too, Rizi.” Marchioness Grochester continued with a smile that showed her wisdom. “It’s still early to make a hasty conclusion. It’s only been less than a year since you became his queen.”

“I’m surprised that it’s only been less than a year. It feels more like ten years,” Patrizia said bitterly.

“It’s proof that you’re tired of the situation now,” the Marchioness said in reply. “I worry because I feel like you’re carrying a heavy burden at such a young age.”

“I haven’t been the only one. All the previous queens have been through it…and someone has to go through it now.”

Marchioness Grochester studied her grown-up, calm daughter, then spoke in a pleading voice.

“Your mother is ignorant, so I don’t know about politics nor about the savage fights in the palace. But I just want you to be happy. I want you to live in that palace in comfort and happiness without getting hurt.”

“I’m trying to do that.”

But those two words—‘comfort’ and ‘happiness’—were never compatible with the Imperial Palace. If you pursued comfort, you would be eliminated, and if you pursued happiness, you had to move preemptively to protect yourself. In truth, neither was an ideal choice.

Patrizia glanced at the clock. “I have to go now. It’s late, and I have people that depend on me.”

“Yes. That’s a good idea.”

Marchioness Grochester concealed her sadness, then rose from her seat and embraced her daughter. “How long has it been since I hugged you like this?”

“…”

“You must be healthy and safe until we meet again. Alright?”

“I will do that.”

Patrizia answered in a slightly laughing voice and kissed Marchioness Grochester on her forehead.

*

After bidding farewell to each one of her family members, Patrizia boarded her carriage. The carriage door closed shut, leaving her alone inside to ruminate on her thoughts. After seeing her family, she fell into even deeper contemplation. Without realizing it, she let out a sigh.

“I don’t want to go back,” she muttered. If she could, she just wanted to stay in Grochester Mansion. But she could not do that. She was just acting childish.

She addressed Raphaella, who was outside. “Is it late? As my mother said, it must have been burdensome for you.”

“Don’t say that, Your Majesty. I’d rather have you stay a little longer,” Raphaella said. “Why did you not stay? It’s too dark and dangerous to travel now.”

Patrizia shook her head. “The longer I stay away from the palace, the harder it is to keep my eye on Rosemond. It’s not good if I leave the palace for more than a day.”

“Well, that’s true,” Raphaella agreed.

After that, they fell silent for a while. Patrizia recalled the conversation she had with Duke Witherford the day before. Duchess Witherford would take care of the rumor, and Petronilla will take care of Duchess Ephreney. Then, Patrizia needed to take care of the Emperor…

‘Will he believe me?’

Patrizia would have evidence. All she needed to do was present it before him. But would he be able to accept it with his mind and heart? Patrizia was caught off guard with this unexpected worry. Why was she even worried about this in the first place?

‘No matter how shocked he will be, it has nothing to do with me.’

That was just how their relationship had been. Patrizia grabbed the skirt of her dress with an uncomfortable look on her face.

Suddenly, Raphaella’s voice rang out sharply in the night air. “Who’s there?”

Patrizia started and quickly opened the window. “What’s going–Ah!”

Masked assassins surrounded the carriage. They are about seven? Eight, no… ten of them. Patrizia smiled without even realizing it. She was so fed up that she could even laugh at the situation.

“Raphaella, are you alright?”

“Your Majesty,” Raphaella answered calmly. “Trust me.”

Yes, trust. Patrizia leaned back as if nothing had happened. But she was still nervous, and she could not hide the tremble at her fingertips. She closed her eyes and recalled what happened two days ago.

The queen was usually escorted by the Imperial Second Order of Knights. However, it was rare for the entire Order to move to protect the queen. Not only was there not enough risk of danger to necessitate mobilization of the entire Order, but the procession could become cumbersome and slow.

Two days ago, information was intentionally leaked that Patrizia would leave the palace with a small escort. If she was right, there was someone inside the Imperial Palace communicating with Bain Palace. Mirya had been told in advance, so it was highly likely that she had traced the traitor by now. Even if Mirya failed, Patrizia could simply replace all the ladies-in-waiting.

After that, Patrizia secretly gave an order to Raphaella—have only one-third of the Second Order of Knights on the escort procession. If the entire order accompanied them from the start, there would be a risk that the enemy would notice the plan. However, since Rosemond had no other window of opportunity to take Patrizia’s life, Patrizia had ordered the rest of the Order to come to her side at a certain time.

‘I hope they’re not late.’

Patrizia nervously clutched the skirt of her dress. Raphaella was a talented swordswoman. While Patrizia did not have to worry too much since Raphaella was not fighting alone, there were still too many assassins, and the rest of the Order had not arrived yet.

As Patrizia listened to Raphaella mercilessly slash and hack at her opponents, she instinctively pulled out the long amber hair pin in her hair. Her long turquoise locks flowed down her shoulder like a waterfall.

Clang, clang!

The sounds of the battle outside rang in her ears. Then, a familiar voice cried out. It was Raphaella.

“Urgh!”

“El…?” Patrizia gasped.

“Your Majesty, I’m alright!” Apparently, Raphaella was injured. Patrizia began to grow more nervous. Why were the other knights not here yet? She bit her lips, and at the same time, the carriage door banged open. Patrizia jumped up from her seat and an assassin lunged forward and swung his sword at her.

“Urgh!”

But the cry in the carriage was not Patrizia’s. The assassin froze like a statue, then fell down on the spot. Patrizia breathed hard without even realizing it.

“Oh Moon of the Empire.”

She heard a solemn voice from the back, followed by the sound of a blade sliding out of a body. It was the Knight Commander of the Second Order. Patrizia stared at him with rounded eyes, and he fell to his knees in atonement.

“I apologize for being late, Your Majesty the Queen.”

“Pay back for your mistakes…with a perfect duty,” Patrizia replied in a slightly shaky voice. “If possible, capture them alive. If not, then kill them.”

“I will obey your orders,” the Knight Commander said dutifully, then closed the carriage door. She was left alone again, surrounded by the gruesome sounds of battle echoing around the carriage. She worried that Raphaella might have been injured. Hopefully it was not too severe.

“Your Majesty!” After a while, the door opened, revealing the Knight Commander again. Patrizia stepped off the carriage with well-practiced movements. This time, all the assassins were dead.

The Knight Commander spoke, his expression filled with shame. “Three assassins were captured alive, but they all bit their tongues and died.”

“…”

That must have been quite an expensive commission from Rosemond. Patrizia gave a scoff.

“It can’t be helped. If she had paid for it, they’d have to fulfill their duty.” She then turned to Raphaella with a worried expression. “Ella, are you alright?”

“I’m fine, Your Majesty.”

“…You’re seriously injured.” Patrizia pressed her lips into a frown. Images of her previous life hovered in her mind like an afterimage. Raphaella had died to save Petronilla when the latter was the queen back then. Patrizia bit her lips, and Raphaella touched her mouth carefully.

“Don’t bite your lips.”

“…”

“I’m fine, really,” Raphaella insisted.

“You’re the one who suffers because the queen you serve is incompetent,” Patrizia said stiffly.

“Don’t say that. Because you have chosen me, you are far from incompetent.” Raphaella smiled brightly, but guilt continued to eat at Patrizia.

“Get in the carriage. The other knights will escort me,” she commanded.

“But, Your Majesty—”

“Raphaella, are you going to hurt me more than this?”

“…”

Raphaella decided not to argue the point and stepped into the carriage. Blood caked her right shoulder, as if she had a stab wound there. Patrizia bit her lips again without even realizing it.

“Let’s get going.”

At her order, the carriage started moving. Patrizia quietly took off her dress, leaving only her white shift on.

“Your Majesty…?” Raphaella asked, flustered.

But her question soon turned into bewilderment when Patrizia tore the dress without hesitation.

It’s been like this before, Patrizia thought as she ripped up the fabric. Like the time I went back and forth between life and death with him.

“We need to stop the bleeding,” Patrizia said.

“I’m fine,” Raphaella repeated.

Patrizia’s patience was growing thin. “Are all knights like this? Do they all pretend that they are alright even if they are not? Do you think you’re alright just because you’re not hurt?”

“…”

“I am the one who’s not alright,” Patrizia said worriedly. “Now take off your top,” she ordered in a firm tone.

Raphaella did so without saying a word, and Patrizia wrapped a clean white cloth around her injured shoulder with ease. Short groans left Raphaella’s mouth from time to time. Patrizia bit her lip every time she heard it. Raphaella almost died…again. The thought of it made her heart clench.

“I’m sorry,” Patrizia said.

“It was the Second Order that was late. It was not your fault, Your Majesty.”

“No. I should have considered this situation.” Patrizia gave a sigh and apologized. “I won’t let this happen to you again.”

“That’s supposed to be my line, My Dear Queen.” Raphaella smiled in gentle reassurance. “I’ll get better after getting treatment back at the palace. You don’t have to make a big deal of this.”

“How can you say that when you’re bleeding like this?” Patrizia fretted as she tightly knotted the cloth. Another pained groan from Raphaella grazed her ear. “I appreciate that you’re protecting me, but I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I will try not to get hurt,” Raphaella smiled, and Patrizia’s expression slowly began to relax. Then, Patrizia pulled out a dagger and began to slash her arms and shoulders. Surprised by the sight of Patrizia hissing in pain, Raphaella quickly grabbed her arm.

“Your Majesty!”